The Anti-Charismatic

I'm sorry. I wrote the church off for years. Not without valid reasons, but looking back I can now place the resentment aside as I realize something important... Growing up in an abusive dynamic, I faced fear, pain, and anger on a daily basis. It was obvious to me that something was wrong, and that I and my family were in a bad situation. Because this is something I experienced daily, it felt obvious what was going on. If the situation is so obvious to me, a child, then surely other people know what's going on! The people myself and my family were most involved with was our church family. We were there for both services on Sundays, Wednesday prayer meetings, choir practice, every youth group outing... all of it. Being as isolated as we were in our home school setting, church was the most engagement we had in the outside world. I felt that if these people saw us so much and shared so much of our lives, then they must have noticed that something wasn't quite right. Whe...

What happens when you die and meet God? I've always wondered. Do you suddenly appear in heaven, surrounded by saints and angels, and all you do is worship? Do you have to walk through those pearly gates, and approach the throne fully knowing you don't deserve to be there? Does God show you everything you did that nailed His Son to that cross? Does He show you all beautiful the moments in which He worked through you? I wonder now if you realize every little way in which you hurt me. In heaven, are you able to finally face the wrongs you did? Are you able to finally ask for the forgiveness you don't have a right to request? Even if that forgiveness is something you need from people that haven't made it up there yet? I wonder if you know how much I just wanted you to be my dad. Not my father. Not "sir". Not the cruel and mocking act your ego wouldn't let you drop. Do you know I love you? Do you know that I forgive you? Do you know that I just wanted you ...